My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
