i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
