I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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