You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
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I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
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I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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