I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
