there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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