he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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