Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I look better un-naked...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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