i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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