What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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