our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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