she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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