it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
