you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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