Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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