To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
