I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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