i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
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she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
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If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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