wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
