Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
