he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
