Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize