How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
