farters have to be the big spoon...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
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