Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
