suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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