uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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