So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
There's even glitter on my cock...
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