I swear she didn't look like that last week.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
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i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
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They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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