when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
