Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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