We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
