i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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