Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
