i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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