this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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