i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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