Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
