can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
