The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
