Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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