Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
