Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
