so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
