1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
