she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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