I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
