Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
