his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
