And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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