My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
