Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
