If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
