i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
