i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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