hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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