Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
