as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
