When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
