Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
