I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
