Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
