I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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