i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
