with your own penis?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize