i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I lost the right to judge tonight
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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