Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
