You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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