my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It's just like the Real World with babies
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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