Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
